Sea Crest Health Care Center

by Ruth Folger Weiss 

This advertising executive decided to close the company for the holidays and, in the process, learned some valuable life lessons. Sure, being an executive director of an enterprise is enormously rewarding to one’s ego, but can also obfuscate one’s perception of reality.  We spend so much time  determining the merit of disparate fonts and phrases, that those proverbial forests and trees are indeed missed.  Logos and slogans, printing deadlines and proposals, and our  perception of our  significance  may assume outside proportions.

So the voicemail records our missive, and the auto-response to all email is dutifully engaged.  And what of  those pompous souls who believe our own hype (manufactured by our very own public relations machine)?  Our children and our grandchildren are our reality-check.  They puncture loving holes in the formal veneer, and bring the real back to our personal estates.

 Last night, as I was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, simultaneously attempting to amuse, bemuse and bathe a grandchild or two, I lost my balance, and slipped without much ado  into the waist high  bathwater.  My shock and momentary bewilderment at this sudden turn of events, was quickly followed by gales of complete laughter – and most loudly, mine.  The absolute ridiculousness of my sitting fully coutured and   in sartorial splendor in a bathtub surrounded by loved ones, struck me as hysterical.  The fact that my posterior was in and my legs still out, complicated matters as my no longer svelte body yielded to my entreaties to emerge and it took more adult bodies to join me in  the bathtub to execute my rescue.

We laughed through the evening and  understood how healthy and vital this enterprise had been.  And my grandson, who does have some of our genes after all,  admonished me, with all the sagacity of a seven year old, to write down the story so he could share it with his teacher and friends.  It’s a wise young man who realizes a marketing opportunity when he sees one!

 by Ruth Folger Weiss

Guess who said, albeit wistfully:  “I’d like to be known as a loving and supportive father and grandfather.”? 

  ’Betcha  you didn’t figure it was Sumner Redstone, chairman and controlling shareholder of Viacom and CBS, answering a reporter’s question about his legacy at an annual media conference in mid-March.  Deeply immersed in an imbroglio with his daughter,Shari,  the heretofore heir apparent’s future currently hangs in the wind. This closely follows litigation with his son, Brent, and other issues he’s been having with a nephew who attests he’s been cheated out of his share of the business.

Building a solid relationship with one’s family certainly takes years of  loving and painstaking care; the  very kind of keen attention to detail often touted by those successful in building empires.  Healthy family relationship are truly miraculous.  Wistful wishes aside;  they  don’t just happen. 

 by Ruth Folger Weiss

I’m not out ruin anyone’s day, including my own- just sharing the facts, Ma’m. In a depressing report of 44,600 female nurses enrolled in a long-term health study, researchers conclude in the April 1 edition of Circulation:

 Waists mattered more than weight in determining a healthy profile;  having a big waist may raise women’s mortality rate, even in women who are not overweight.

“Although maintaining a healthy weight should continue to be a cornerstone in the prevention of chronic diseases and premature death, it is equally important to maintain a healthy waist size and prevent abdominal obesity.” Concentrate less on the readings of your scale and more on diminishing any signs of belly fat. Yah, become  more  dexterous in computing the waist -to-hip ratio, by dividing your waist measurement by your hip measurement.  Sure.

“Being in the normal weight range was less important than having a waist less than 34.6 inches and a waist-to-hip ratio of less than 0.88″

Based on the American Heart Association and U.S. Department of Agriculture definitions for abdominal obesity, the cutoffs are waist circumference of 34.6 inches for women and 40 inches for men.

Wish those nurses had  opted out of this 16 year study!

We attempt to tackle each day in optimistic and measured tones, weighing the risk ratios and cost benefits of a myriad of choices. We’ve finally gotten the Food Pyramid straight, can almost discern the differences between wild and not-so-wild salmon, know where to get our Omega 3s, recognize that pomegranate juice isn’t just relegated to The Jewish New Year – and that brain exercises coupled with the physical version may ward off the horrors of Alzheimer’s disease.

So I was unprepared for the latest bit of scientific harassment that brazenly confronted me this morning:
“Study Shows Getting a Big Belly in Midlife Ups Risk of Dementia Later in Life”
Having a fat belly at midlife, which is already associated with an increased risk of diabetes, heart problems, and stroke, also increases the risk of getting dementia in your later years, according to a new study.
“This is the first time research has linked central obesity in midlife with dementia later in life,” says Rachel Whitmer, PhD, research scientist at the Kaiser Permanente Division of Research in Oakland, Calif., who led the study. “If you are overweight and carry it in your belly, you are at greater risk of health problems than someone overweight who doesn’t carry it in their belly.
“Where you carry your weight is an important risk factor,” she tells WebMD. “If you are overweight and carry it in your belly, you are at greater risk [of health problems] than someone overweight who doesn’t carry it in their belly.”

Our efforts, heretofore, mainly relegated to using glass dishes instead of aluminum pans, and trying our hand at learning a foreign language after completing a Sudoku grid, must be compounded by a serious multi-pronged effort at the gym. Hitting the gym and staying fit is a healthy “must”- and working at it is no longer a matter of vanity. Now the mid-life crisis, is a mid-body attack. There it is again: middle age leaves no room for slack.

It isn’t what – it’s how much.

That’s a key finding of the Dartmouth Atlas of Health Care, which was recently released.

The study found that where there is supply, there is demand. Especially when people aren’t paying.

People tend to equate quantity of healthcare with quality, often throwing themselves at further tests and referrals in the belief that it will give them a better chance. Doctors, who lose nothing and gain plenty by referring, are uninhibited in complying.

Indeed, so profitable were referrals that at one point “Medicare Mills” were a popular money-maker. Doctors would refer a patient around a clinic, arranging consultations with a myriad of unrelated practitioners before dealing with the problem. Medicare fraud investigators have since shut down many such operations, but doctors have not yet ceased to abuse the system to line their pockets. And neither have patients ceased to do the same to get excessive, and often unnecessary, medical care.

The study suggests that facilities can reduce costs by being more efficient in the way they handle people with serious medical conditions. Instead of throwing the medical service book at them, arranging every possible test and every related treatment, it recommends an approach geared to maximizing results and efficiency. An overhaul of the system need not require cuts in the payment for services; just cuts in the pork barrel of services.

It happened again. Having just heard from my daughter about some little milestone met by one of the children, I started to dial Ricky’s number. That frisson of excitement I always sensed when poised to share personal good tidings with her, was replaced by a deep, yawning void. It’s almost a year now, and Ricky is no longer on the other end. It is this abyss that underlines what is so special about a rare form of friendship so few have the genius to cultivate.

Ricky’s innate sense of not only sharing the positive with us and validating our happiness by elevating it to an eloquent high note, is so rare, that there isn’t a precise word in the dictionary to encapsulate it. We all know about schadenfreude- that very human characteristic so many experience when hearing of other’s misfortunes, that little sense of joy one feels (though may not readily acknowledge) at others’ pratfalls- , but it was the rarified human being, my friend Ricky Halperin, who felt and sang the most melodious harmony upon our successes. The music is just not quite right without her.

By: Ruth Folger Weiss

I was stunned. Was that really a Walgreens commercial I just saw? Titled: “If only Caregivers had Caregivers,” the scene was an emotional punch to the solar plexus. A young woman tenders a lovingly prepared meal to her obviously ailing father, and a reciprocal dish , heaven sent, appears in front of her. She is startled. We see her settling Dad in a comfortable chair in the garden and gently placing a blanket on his legs, as he affectionately gazes at her. Immediately, a light throw appears and is gingerly placed on her lap. This loving, adoring caregiver is indeed appreciated, and her needs attended to. She and caregivers everywhere are validated. How beautiful!

by Ruth Folger Weiss

Interacting with a loved one who has received a less than stellar medical diagnosis is a difficult call. Your relationship behooves you to rise to the occasion-whatever that may be- and to provide all the emotional or practical bolstering that is inimitably yours. But anyone who is a good friend knows that every individual’s mode of responding to emotional support differs tremendously, and one’s sense of “being there” is another’s perception of intrusion.

So I was enormously impressed by Elizabth Bernstein’s column in today’s Wall St. Journal, “How to Support a Loved One Reeling from Cancer Diagnois”. She is evocative, insightful, and right-on in her advice, which is relevant to helping friends and loved ones through any personal travail.

“In general, experts say, you should take your lead from the person who is sick. If she wants to talk about her illness, then listen. Don’t be afraid of emotions. Being there, listening and being supportive is a powerful role,” Dr. Marissa Weiss says. “If the person feels comfortable crying in front of you, be honored, because you fulfilled a really important need.”

“It’s critical not to treat your friend just as a patient. So remember to ask about other aspects of her life, such as her children. Ask her permission before you share news of her illness with others. Don’t recommend books or treatments without first inquiring if she’d like to hear about them

“You should also ask exactly what type of help your loved one needs. You can offer to pick up groceries, provide transportation or return phone calls. And don’t be deterred if your offer of help is declined. People who are diagnosed with a major illness often don’t know what they will need at first. In addition, accepting help can be frightening for people accustomed to being independent. Keep offering help.”

“And if your friend, co-worker or family member isn’t returning calls, don’t take it personally. She may not have the energy or time to call you back. Stay in touch anyway.”